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Sunday, July 18, 2010


Having read some recent posts that disturb me, I am going to post some FACTS about heroin addition.

Much like alcoholism, once you are an addict, you are FOREVER an addict.

You are either an ACTIVE addict, or a RECOVERING addict.

The fine line between them can be easily crossed and is called RELAPSE.

Typically, relapse happens over and over.

An addict can be recovering for 20 years and will STILL BE AT RISK FOR RELAPSE.

Nothing you can do as a parent or loved one will either increase or decrease the possibility of relapse.

Relapse and Addiction are simply because the addict has found something so wonderful (to them) that it quickly replaces every single aspect of their lives. They LIVE for the next fix.

So quit trying to further their recovery. Quit trying to 'help'. You can't. It won't work. It is futile.

Recovery is solely in the brain of the addict. No single other person can force it, help it along, or affect it.

If an addict wants to use, they will find a way. Each second of sobriety takes incredible courage and self fortitude.

Many of our addicts will NOT have that inside them. Some will get and stay sober. Most will not.

As a parent, the smartest thing you can do is say "my addict will NEVER stop using". Although this sounds defeatist...once you accept this inside your heart of hearts, and then learn to still have contact with your addict, leaving out all behaviors, actions, etc....

then, and ONLY then, will you be ready for your addict to start THEIR recovery. It is NOT your recovery. you have no part of it.

your addict may, in fact, choose to continue to use. Once you have accepted that they are an addict and will be forever, you will simply stop looking for signs. Believe that they are using. Act as though they are using. Guard your possessions as though they are using. That way, you won't continually suffer the up and down of hope and disappointment followed by depression and despair, followed by hope, followed by disappointment...

you get the picture.


  1. I don't think this is defeatist, I think it is honest and truthful. Thanks for helping all of us.

    I know it was a journey for you to get to such a clear and honest understanding. For me, seeing where you are, helps me to know that I can also make this journey. It is not unlike the journey I'm on in my personal life as well. Almost every one I know that has been left by his/her spouse comes out okay on the other side. Getting to the other side is the challenge, whether it is accepting your child's addiction or accepting that your marriage is over.

    Probably none of this makes much sense,so I'll end just by saying thank you for being honest and truthful in your posts.

  2. I agree with almost everything you say here.

    At this point in my journey I would say that no other person can take responsibility for the addict's recovery. However, I still think that there are various positive and negative influences towards recovery. For example, friends who use are a negative influence. Families that do not use are a positive influence.

    Thanks for this post. I see you put a lot of thought into it and that you are never afraid to think for yourself.

  3. Yep, I agree too. Like I said in my last comment...I don't WANT to agree with you sometimes because that's just my nature...hopeful (naive) and all that. When it comes to heroin its better to be realistic. I am going to do a post on you. I hope you don't mind.

    @Lisa - everything you said made sense, and I know you are going to be okay on the other side.

  4. Another dead on post Dawn, thanks so much for putting out the facts in a straight forward, non sugar coated way. It takes time to get to this acceptance, but once you do, it makes living our own lives possible again. I am grateful to have your veteran presence in our blog family as you always have important and honest messages for us a bit behind you.

  5. Anna, I agree, however as a parent, you cannot control those influences, except your own behaviors.

  6. im here, thanks for the key..

    ya ever stop and think how fast time goes?

    U r loved
    Brother Frankie