After much run around with her boyfriend. ..turns out it's not heroin. Its alcohol. Had to tell Pint. She, nor I, took it well. First of course, the lies. As some of you may remember, Calamity was arrested when 1/4 Pint was age 2. For being passed out in side of road whilst baby in stoller was IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. Yah. So anyway, the flakey behavior patterns etc escalated in the last year.
My feelings? Rage. Betrayal. Anger. Hurt. General pissed last night, talking to Pint. she's all like, but Meemaw, you dont treat her very well. And besides, alcohol is easy to beat. WTF? I tried to explain. Didn't go well.
I cried. I told her you think I dont care. I gave birth to her. I raised her. It kills me slowly inside. Like someone over the past 14 years is slowly slicing off pieces of my heart. Each time, I get less and less able to give love freely. She said Meemaw, you have to let the past go. I said I cannot. I live it every single day. I cannot escape it.
She said, you cant hold it against her. Everyone treats her different in the family.
I was like. Sweetheart. All I can do is try.
In my head, meanwhile, I am SCREAMING. How can you expect the family to just forget 14 years of financial, emotional and betrayal pain?
But, she loves her mother. And she wasnt the one that lived through that aspect. We did. I cant put that on her.
Meanwhile...we get 1/4 Pint 4 days a week when BF works. For the next month. They made up some lame story. 1/4 Pint is 6, but does not have the understanding that the older girls did at her age.
Im just sick. Spent all morning trying to find a meeting. No luck. We live in nowhere's ville. Stopped into my fav bar. Lol. How fucking appropriate is that?
It is what it is. Fuckitall.