Pint and ½ are visiting their Mom, Calamity on a semi-regular basis right now. Sort of.
½ who is getting ready to both turn 10 the end of August, and start 6th grade, doesn't really like to go to visit. She went Wednesday this week, but I ended up driving the ½ hour to Calamity's at midnight because I got a phone call from ½ Pint saying (crying) she ABSOLUTELY could not stay, she had bad heartburn and NEEDED TO COME HOME! So, up I got and went and picked her up.
She is not real comfortable at Mom's house. It's not structured at all, Pint is bossy when they are there, and ¼ Pint drives her nuts and doesn't mind at all.
½ Pint is used to structure, bedtimes, shower times, regular meals at the almost exact same time of day, getting up in the morning. You know. Little things like that.
At Calamity's it is not unusual for them to STILL be in the car at 10:30 at night. So, ½ doesn't like going to Mom's.
Mom isn't too bad with this. I think she knows, and actually loves the kids, so she appears to be good with the attitude of ½ who is, after all, very close to DH and I because we have had her since she was 3 days old. Mom realizes that ½ bonded to us as parents, and not her. And I give her credit for trying to understand.
Pint, on the other hand, does visit. She is getting ready to turn 13 the beginning of August and start 9th grade, which in our school district is High School. She will also be taking dual credit college courses at the local University. Makes me wicked nervous!
Pint, …. likes spending time at her Mom's. We recently – Last week – had the
where the dreaded words came out....
“I'll just go and live with my MOM!!”
to which I replied, go ahead, make the call then, because you will NOT go and live with your Mom, the judge will put you in foster care for a minimum of 2 years while your Mom has to jump through all the hoops that he wants her too before she can regain custody of you.
To which she replied “YOU TOLD ME THAT WHEN I WAS FIVE!” to which I replied, “Yup, and it was true then, and it is true now.”
Teenagers. They are bad enough as is, but when you add in not living with your biological parents, it is a recipe for disaster. The original kids, when angered, would say I'll go live with friends, and I would say, “OKAY, bye then..” and that was it. They stormed up to their rooms, slammed the door and it was over.
The two step's, would say “I'LL JUST MOVE IN WITH MOM”, and we would say, okay, call your Mom then, and they would storm upstairs, slam their door, and that was the end.
Pint...I don't really have the opportunity to call her bluff. The thing is, I don't WANT her to EVER go live with Calamity now.
For the above reasons. When Pint is there, Calamity uses her to babysit ¼ Pint, (not babysit exactly, more like entertain...because Calamity is still in the house). Pint, being in puberty, LOVES little kids and babies. She also loves doing things she knows I wouldn't allow, like staying up really late, going shopping at 10 p.m. And having more control. Calamity treats her more like a friend/adult than a child.
Pint is also very bossy, being the oldest, and so Calamity sort of feeds into that whole mindset thingy. Pint has been there for two days. She will come home today. She is usually kind of obnoxious when she gets home, and I get a lot of lip from her.
If there is a conversation between Pint and I, for instance, Can I go to my Mom's...and I say No, not today, I get IMMEDIATE – Why? To which I reply, Because I said so, to which she replies BUT I think I am owed an answer to which I reply NO, you are not!
She wants to know the justification for every thing I say to her. I don't feel that is necessary, and tell her “I am an adult, I do not need to share my reasoning with you ALL the time, sorry.”
Friends. She has some. They are 2 years older, WHICH is admittedly MY fault for grade advancing her. I watch this closely. Even to the point I installed an SMS Stealth Tracker on her phone so that I get a copy of every single text message sent and received. A bit paranoid? Perhaps, till you realize at her small Jr. High, there were 73 cases of “Sexting” last year. There are only 163 kids in her grade. What is that? 40% or so of 8th graders in an AVERAGE small town school are 'sexting'? Hence, Stealth Tracker.
She gets mad at me when I make her do chores, but when she calls a friend and THEY say I cannot come over till my chores are done, that is somehow okay LOL. This is all normal stuff, and so I kind of embrace it. Having Pint NORMAL after all we have done to normalize her is.....justifying. And, pretty wonderful all in all.
I guess my biggest fear is that we will lose the closeness during adolescence. That will be very hard. Usually with girls, ages 13-20 are a time of pushing boundaries, mouthiness and drama. One thing I have learned is that when they get on the HYSTERIA TRAIN, I stay off. I tend to go sort of Non Emotive when speaking to teenage girls. Bland, monotone, this is what it is tone in my voice. It works, for the most part.
Pint like to argue. Read future lawyer there. Argue about ANYTHING. Doesn't matter. She is also all about fairness. And I am not always fair. LOL.
On the other hand, at school, she is the 'go to girl' in her group, and even outside her group, when there is a problem. They all come to her for help with prioritizing solutions. She had a pretty good year academically, having only 2 B's all year long and ending up on A/B honor roll. Socially, she is on the dumpy side as puberty hit with a vengence, she is now a D cup, and only 5'1 and so needs the upcoming vertical growth spurt that we all get eventually to even out her belly. But, the growth spurt is not appearing right away and Pint like to SNACK.
So, she did not make the cheering squad. She is considered one of the slightly 'fat' girls and that is really hard in 8th/going into 9th grade. Another obstacle to overcome.
¾ Pint is wonderfully normal in a very weird sort of way. She throws her hair into a tangled pony-tail. She lives primarily with her dad, Cop, and sleeps at our house. She still has the ambition to be a Marine Biologist and thinks almost exclusively about marine life, bugs, and biology. She is quite the tom-boy, not being interested in bubble-gum boy bands at all, (as opposed to Pint who just dropped the Beib for One Direction and is in love with Niall whom she is going to marry..although I am pretty sure He is unaware of this...)
¾ like to be busy. She is very 'hands on'. She gets bored easy if there is no one here and no one to swim with. She tends to hang out with her little cousin who is not actually HER cousin, but is the cousin of Pint and ½ and lives down the street with the OTHER GRANDPARENTS. He is also 11, and has a brain tumor (which Chemo finally shrank and it has stopped growing-Thank God!). Her and Cousin hang out a lot because she prefers boy type activities like digging in dirt, playing with bugs and getting dirty.
¾ Pint see's Nursey regularly now. Nursey moved back to our little town from the big city. Nursey got a new BF, and he is from around here, so now Nursey lives only minutes away.
¾ doesn't really like being at her mom's that much, but she tolerates it. Mom doesn't have A/C in ¾'s bedroom and hey, it's summer, and it's HOT. Nursey still bitches at ¾ about the way she dresses (it's clean? Okay I wear it. Match? Who cares...) Nursey is very fashionista personality. Her daughter, is not. LOL. Nursey changes her hair color every other week. ¾ ? Would shave her head to make it easier if she thought she could get away with it. That's mostly what they argue about but ¾ is VERY opinionated and not adverse to going head to head with Nursey, and winning.
Cop and ¾ continue to have a cool life. Cop is pretty strict, and ¾ gets frustrated with him, but the old Daaaaaad! Comes out a lot, LOL, and Cop backs right off. He does love that baby! They just got back from a 3 day trip to NYC to see the 911 Memorial and a few other things. He does keep her interested, going to museums, concerts of classical music (she plays clairinet) and exposes her to many differing cultures and media. He is sending her to Marine Biology camp in Maine later this summer. The camp is like $1100 for a week! She is so excited!! And I am excited for her.
lives here. Too much to blog about on this one. Still schizophrenic, still on medication, doing well, and pregnant. I will leave that for another day blog.
Love to all.