Total Pageviews

Thursday, September 8, 2011


On  being the parent of an addict, recovering or you feel like a wee little rowboat, on the edge of a huge whirlpool in the ocean of drama? And you are rowing and rowing on the edge of the whirlpool, trying desperately to get free of the whirlppol, but the best you can do is simply stay on the edge, not getting drowned, but not getting away either? Yah. That's the life of an addicts parent.

Do i have an answer?  Sort of. Make sure you fill your boat with more rowers.  That whirlpool is really powerful, and it tries to draw your wee little boat in. More rowers means more power to resist the pull of the whirpool. Al Anon, Nar Anon, Church, Friends, Other family, these can be your other rowers, giving you the strength to pull away from the whirls and eddies of that insidious whirlpool.

Hang in there, check for leaks, get more rowers on board and stay out of the seas of drama that the addict creates by virtue of being an addict, or recovering addict and making immature choices. It happens in all of our lives.

Even mine, 11 years later, with my daughter in Methadone treatment going on five years now. she still makes bad decisions over and over, and gets herself into all of these "crises things" of her own making. Then, the inevitable phone call comes, "Mom, what should I do..."

How to answer? Wow. That is soooo hard, even for rock hard mean old me.

I have learned to say, "Well, you were advised to do THIS, and didn't do it. You were advised to do THAT and didn't do it. Now, I guess you will have to figure out a way to deal with this yourself. We tried to assist you, but you ignored our advice when the situation was manageable. Now, you come running for help. Life just doesn't work that way. The trick is to listen to the voices of reason surrounding you before you make the bad decisions that lead to this current crises, and avoid the crises by doing the things that adults do in everyday life to make sure OUR lives are not crises filled. We pay our bills, we handle our money, we don't ride with strangers, we don't surround ourselves with people who could get arrested or carry drugs on them when we give them rides. That way, when we get pulled over, we are not going to get arrested for what someone else did.

It's a long process, and not limited to drug addicts. Sometimes, in  your family, you might have a non drug addict who just doesn't get it either. Same strategy.

Good luck, and God Bless.


  1. Ya know that was one of the first things I learned in Al-Anon. The addict brings you a problem and I would literally have to stop.. think.. and decide if it was "his" problem or not. Was this something that he created, and therefore needed to solve on his own? It took me a long time to untangle the web of his problem and "our" problem. If I didn't have a hand in creating it I had no business trying to help solve it. He would tell me, this and that happened, and then expect me to jump right in and the look on his face the day I got the nerve up to say, "wow,that sucks, what are you going to do now" was a mixture of shock and disgust. He knew the jig was up. It was such a weight off my shoulders though.

  2. yeah - right now my mom wants to detox - I guess she has been drinking daily but functioning at work etc. Her insurance will not cover it fully so she comes to me. It's obviously her "problem" but at least she's striving for the best solution. I didn't give her a straight answer on what I would do or not do. I guess I'm just really tired of it and don't really want to deal with it at all. Conversely, I don't want to harm her in some lasting way from being indecisive. I haven't even really blogged about it because I don't have the energy. I am so done with the constant drama. When she is clean, there is still drama... when she is not, or when she is drinking, there is even more... and then I feel guilty about not caring. Conundrum.

  3. Excellent illustration and advice!!

  4. You do always have good advice are a rock and I don't know how the hell you do it!! You must have picked up some good rowers along the way! Having someone to talk to, someone who will LISTEN and not judge because they've been their and done that too is helpful. Also hearing advice from someone who's been their done that is easier too because, they know it isn't always as easy as waving a magic wand and making it all better.
    Hope the school year is starting off well for your little ones!!

  5. Amen, sistah! I hope the munchkins are well.

    I used to scoff at parents of addicts having PTSD, but not anymore. I find myself waking in the middle of the night and wanting to drug test him...LOL