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Friday, July 15, 2011

Runnning on empty, going wild....

summer. wow. so not ready.  today, half pint sez to me, meemaw, i have made a wish for two years and it hasnt come true.  she siad, i have wished that everyone else would leave you alone long enogh for you to not be stressed. all i could tell the wonderful child was that, the people that sometimes make it difficult for me and take up alot of time, her mother included, are alive. and i prefer that to the alternative. and  that i would try very hard to make sure that i reserved enough attention for her that she doesnt feel invisible. she is turning 9 next month. i have three littles who are being ignored becuz my seemingly adult children (only one of whom is an addict) are draining me.

time to re-think and pri-oritize. again.


  1. from the mouths of can be so insightful and honest.

  2. rethink, prioritize...and delegate?

  3. Stess, what stress???

    I thought I was doing a wonderful thing ths summer with my three little grandbabies. I took them out of daycare and set up visitation three days with Mommy and three days with Daddy.

    I was so stressed and really needed a break...

    What a disaster. Mommy saying bad things about Daddy and vice versa.

    My six year old is stressed!

    And we're in the middle of a custody battle and a petition to overturn my guardianship. So what do the bios do? They tell the kids "we are in court fighting to see where you live". Duh!!!
    Imagine the visions running through the kid's minds. YaYa, PopPop, Mommy and Daddy slugging it out. Stupid stupid bios.

    It's been two years and I keep making mistakes. I don't know how you do it Dawn. I really admire you.

    God Bless

  4. yaya. what state are you in? I cannot remember. Anyway, in Ohio, the supreme court set down a decision in 07 that said not only do the courts have to consider what is 'in the best interest of the child' but ALSO have to leave them WHERE THEY ARE UNLESS THERE HAS BEEN A MATERIAL CHANGE IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES UNDER WHICH THE CHILD IS LIVING. in other words, if it ain't broke, we are not going to try and fix it. they courts figure, if they kids have been with the grands more than two years, and they are doing well, then they should be left there. some other states are starting to consider this option. the parents have had soooo many chances to get their shit together and miserably failed...

    in my neighborhood (middle class-blue collar-everyone owns their own home) there are no less than SIX custodial grandparent families within a two block radius. that is phenomenal!!!

    as always, rely on your diary, keep good notes, and from now on don't GIVE UP anything to the stupid bio's. no visits without supervision, etc. The courts view that as you abrogating your responsibility and as you trying to 're-unite' the family. sad, isn't it. we try to be decent people, and get screwed.

    the courts theory is that since we are the parents of the addicts, who better than us to know and trust when the parents are able to take care of the kids? so unkowingly, when we allow stuff like unsupervised visits, to the court, that means that we now TRUST the parenting of the parents. in fact, it means we still have some small speck of humanity left in us.

    be careful. be VERY careful in giving away anything.

  5. I have really had to be so conscious of carving out time for my little one each day. He is so not demanding in any way, the kid can so easily get lost in the shuffle. His behavior starts to nose dive if he doesn't get the attention he deserves and needs. Thanks for the reminder.

    My 11 year old has really come into her own this year and it is wonderful to see. BUT I am so bothered by how much time she spends thinking about what other will think. Telling her not to worry about what others think is just not terribly effective. I am worried about Middle School for her next year. Those girls eat their own friends for lunch spit them out and move onto new ones. I don't wan't her to be a mean girl or a doormat. Achieving the in between is going to be know easy task.

  6. I can't seem to find time to spend with my now 13 year old. B doesn't live with us and although there is drama it comes in waves and there is plenty of time he isn't around and yet I still find myself wondering how another weekend went by and I did nothing fun with my younger one.

    I don't know how you do it at all. How you can manage everything you do with a lot more than one child to deal with. I hope you do find a little time for yourself too.

  7. I don't know how you do it. Alot of time and engery goes into taking care of and keeping up with younger ones! I've been thinking about you all summer and have been meaning to email you and ask you how your doing. Summers can be exhausting with kids! Try and find some time for yourself.......maybe an hour or two?? You need it!! Hope all is well!

  8. It's such a family disease..all siblings get affected..i wrote this a while back

    hit my family hard... today is a better day

  9. You mentioned on another blog that there was a blog by a PhD student, where said student pretended to be an addict.

    Can you tell me who that blogger was or where the blog was located ?

    I'm doing some research into Institutional Review Boards, and I'm rather curious to see where this went on.

    Thanks a bunch.


  10. Dear anon- I do not remember the name of the blog, sorry. I'm pretty sure we all deleted it after she came clean. We tend to start caring about the people in our little (or not so little) family, and we all were pretty pissed and felt violated. The person most likely went on to get her.Master's thesis done and got an A I am sure.

  11. If anyone knows where that blog is, I would really appreciate knowing.

    That sort of thing should never have been approved by his/her IRB, and if it wasn't approved by the IRB, her advisor at least should be made aware.

    I'm sorry for troubling you, but thanks very much for responding.