frustrated....

So very sad this morning. All is actually more or less well on the home front.

Pint, is having trouble. I just want to cry for her. It is so hard when your babies hurt, and there is nothing you can do to make it better.

She is 13 ½ years old. She is in 9^th grade, and a freshman in college as well. She has a lot on her little plate. She doesn't GET algebra, so she has an F in algebra. She is so very frustrated that she came to me and ASKED if she could go back on her ADHD meds.

Those of you following for years will remember how excited she was at age 11, to finally go off her meds and be 'normal'. And, she did extremely well, until this year.

She is always so emotional now, in puberty, of course. But in addition to that, she has trouble concentrating at school. Emotional instability is one of the signs of the 'hyperactive component' of ADHD. The hyperactive component can manifest in many different ways, unstable emotions, anger, fidgeting, etc. Hers has always manifested as emotional instability. Even to the point where she was evaluated for bi-polar, which I strongly was against...although I did allow the Dr. to evaluate her. I didn't feel that it was bi-polar as she did not have any of the other signs of bi-polar, something we have in extended (non-biological) family members. She was also evaluated for depression.

Both of those scare me to death. Number 1, there are some MAJOR psychoactive drugs involved. And, my little Pint, being the child of two junkies, does NOT need mind-altering drugs in her system!! It's bad enough to have medication for ADHD.

We don't know what the psychiatrist will say on Friday. It is the same Dr. who helped her so hard before, to get her off her ADHD meds. Although she is now physically old enough to been seen by the adult psychiatrist, I requested that she stay with the previous Dr., with whom she has a good relationship and rapport. I feel that she will be much more comfortable with him. His family and ours are both Roman Catholic, so he also suggested many different things to calm her mind down at night, such as saying the Rosary, etc.

I think that helps a lot, having a Dr. who can know your family/child dynamics so well that he/she can suggest alternative methods to control something and not just push medications on you. I respect that. He is a regular old psychiatrist, an M.D. Not some 'new age' wholistic Dr who prescribes vitamin regimen, or acupuncture or whatever. Not that I am against any of those at all, but when something disrupts a child's daily life to the degree that this is, I feel it is a wee bit past alternative solutions.

We look forward to Friday! And to see him, find out how his 5 kids (as of 2 years ago) are doing, and if there are more babies in his family now LOL. We also look forward to her not being immersed in angst.

Baby is doing really well with 1/8 Pint (who turned 11 weeks old yesterday. She has rolled over x1, blown raspberries (when we weren't looking, the little bratty girl LOL, but we could HEAR them), then she just smiled away when we busted her!!) Baby doesn't really get the whole “you have to PLAY with your baby, not just feed, change and put her to bed” thing, but she is TRYING. I am, of course, there to step in and make up the difference.

Overall, for someone recently diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic, I think Baby is doing so very well. We weren't sure at all if she was going to bond with the baby, if she would be ABLE to bond with the baby. Schizophrenic's, by the nature of the disease, can be very dis-connected with other humans, not feeling empathy or emotions, This is called 'flattening'. Baby does have SOME flattening still, but it is in relation to others not to 1/8 Pint. We watch, suggest, and help her learn to parent her daughter. I am very proud of the strides she has made!!

Son, is FINALLY moving out. He has fallen in love literally with the 'girl around the corner' from where he grew up. They have know each other all their lives, and had crush's on each other in high school, but nothing ever came of it. Now, years later, they started dating and are madly in love. She is good for him, pushing him a tad bit. Son tends to be a procrastinator, and suffer from “Peter Pan Syndrome”, what they are calling the 25-35 year old male population who will NOT move out of their parents home!!

¾ Pint is rolling right along, and now wants to specialize, not just in marine biology, and not just in SHARKS, but in a very certain shark. I would tell you what it is, but I can't remember the name of the bloody thing! She could, however, tell you everything in the world about this shark LOL. She gets to go to a marine biology camp this summer for an entire week! She is so excited. And, I am excited for her.

½ Pint is getting along pretty well, she is 10 and in 6^th grade. She is 2 years younger than any of her classmates. She is an A/B student in all subjects. She will be starting Jr. High next year with ¾ Pint. A bit scary for me!!

I'm just doing the same things, but I am really tired now. I don't have the level of energy I used to have. Cleaning and cooking are just chores now. I don't really like that, but really, how flipping long can you DO THAT without getting sick and tired of it? Going on 38 years of raising kids and keeping house, and there is little joy in the mundane, day to day stuff anymore. I don't know whether it is the elusive “NUMB” we have all been blogging about, or the fact that I am turning 58 this year and am just plain sick and tired of doing the same shit over and over and over and over!!

Dealing with everyone's problems does tend to get a person down. Severely depressed husband, morbidly obese, congestive heart failure and diabetes. Peter Pan son – now moving out! Schizophrenic daughter. Pint, bleeding disorder, parents are junkies, ADHD. ¾ Pint, gastroparesis. ½ Pint, bleeding disorder, parents junkies, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. And a new baby,

No flipping wonder I am tired eh? LMAO.