A Day In The Life

Life continues to be what it is. If I had a sign made up for my front door, it would have to say

Welcome to the Fracker Cractory!

A day in the life (I love that song LOL)

Friday, 4 pm. Pint comes into house, says "Katie's cat is dead in our pool!"

I look outside, and sure enough, poor little Garfield is dead in our pool.

DH is in slippers. Son is not home. I have three kids here who just got home from school.

I sigh. Go outside, get skimmer out of garden shed. Pool was winterized. Basically an 18 foot bag half full of water. No plastic parts to freeze and explode. No ladder. Extend handle of skimmer, start moving dead cat to side of pool. Dead, water logged cats are really heavy. Look up when I get cat to side, and of course, DH is standing on back porch, with ALL THREE GIRLS LOOKING OUT WINDOW. Really?

I yell, GET THOSE KIDS AWAY FROM WINDOW PLEASE. TELL THEM TO GO IN LIVING ROOM. THEY DO NOT NEED TO SEE THIS. (Effing Idiot.)

DH does that, looks at me. I am like "and can you get me a garbage bag please?"

Sigh. I should not even be the one dealing with this.

Put poor Garfield in bag, set him on front porch. Text Katie's Dad, tell him the news. (this is the second cat they have had which was killed, first one on the road. He decides to not tell Katie, and asks me to tell the girls to keep it a secret. He thinks it's better for her to think Garfield ran away. So do I.)

3/4's Mom is supposed to pick her up at 6 pm. I finish dinner. Mom calls, she has to work late. Then Mom calls again, she is off work, has to drive BACK to her house to get clothes. I am like "Did you KNOW when you left the house this morning that you were staying at your ex-husband's for the weekend, watching his house/dog/cat/kid? She says, well, yeah. I am like, THEN WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GET YOUR CLOTHES THEN!! Idiot. She shows up at NINE PM. Our kids bedtimes are 8 and 8:30. Winter, Summer, Fall, Spring. Schedule. They get really cranky when they are off schedule.

Yesterday. 8:35

Phone rings. I feel around in the dark, find house phone, answer with (I cannot see caller I.D.) "ON MY ONLY DAY TO SLEEP IN, WHY ARE YOU CALLING TO WAKE ME UP?"

Oldest daughter says "Mom, there is a POSSUM in 3/4's bedroom!! I reply, "You are 34 years old, what do you want me to do?" She says, "I need a possum wrangler"....I hand the phone off to DH (who is sleeping) and decide to roll over and go back to sleep. About a minute later, when I hear the totally ridiculous conversation going on 16 inches away...on how to possibly catch and trap an opposum....I yell "TELL HER TO CALL THE STUPID POLICE DEPARTMENT."

A little background here. A few months ago when 3/4's dad had to go to Texas for 3 months, youngest daughter stayed at his house to watch dog/cat. The house was broken into. I called the police. There was a TV missing. There were other items missing. 3/4's Dad is a FEDERAL COP. there were GUNS in the house. Schedule something or other Police Vests that will stop an armor piercing round. I don't know, Cop stuff.

It took the local police department 2 hours to make it the three blocks to the house to answer my distress call. yep. TWO HOURS. impressive, right?

Oldest daughter calls for the possum in the bedroom. TWO MINUTES LATER, before she could take off her pj pants and throw on a pair of jeans, THEY ARE AT THE DOOR. Several crusiers, AND a FIRETRUCK!!

So, in our town, if you get robbed, for God's sake don't say "I've been robbed! when you call. Say THERE IS A POSSUM IN MY HOUSE!" and they will be right over!!

Segue a few hours. Calamity is supposed to pick up Pint and 1/2 Pint. She texts me. What shall I do with them? Any ideas?

Please. Really?

I say, like what do you have in mind? She replies, well I don't have much money. I say, you don't need money. Do like, yard saleing. Take them to feed the ducks. Make a picnic lunch and take them to Tho****** park to walk the trails and play in their favorite playground.

She replies OH, do they like doing stuff like that?

Sigh.

She shows up, TWO hours late. I have a headache. The girls leave, I admonish her that they BOTH had strep throat last week, it is slightly cool outside, please make them wear their hoodies, even when they say they are hot.....and they HAVE TO BE FED between 5 and 5:30. They need to be home by 7 so they can shower.

She actually makes it on time. ( a first, actually.)

Just before SHE pulls in, Oldest daughter stops by. 3/4 Pint spilled her dinner on her pants and they need to change before they go to WalMart. Um..why did you come HERE, her clothes are at HER house, where HER AND HER DAD Live? She only spends the nights here, and we don't keep clothes. It was closer to go to HER house.

Idiot.

3/4 Grabs a pair of sweats from Pint's closest. Yup. there is a future fight there.

Oldest daughter hangs around. She wants to talk. I don't. I am trying desperately to catch up on the stuff I have DVR'd in the shallow hope that I will actually have time to watch it?

She hangs and hangs. I say the words that will clear my house immediately.

"YOUR SISTER IS DUE HERE ANY SECOND!"

Oldest jumps up. 3/4 jumps up. 3/4 says MOM, the Tee-tee Tornado is coming, we gotta leave NOW. Runs for the door. Opens the door and says,

Ooops. Too late. Tee-Tee is here. ROFLMAO

The two sisters meet in the yard. I stay inside.

In come the girls. With 1/4 Pint, who now wants to spend the night.

Okay. I can deal with that. I love the little shit LOL.

Does Calamity have any clothes for 1/4 pint? No she does not. Down into the depths of the basement I go to look for clothes.

She finally leaves, at 8:30. It's bedtime. We have Church in the morning. I put all three into the shower, get them ready for bed (late), get their snacks, tuck them in.

¼ Pint isn't tired. She is keeping ½ Pint awake. Up the stairs I go. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

Pint has a 'female question'. Really? And it can't wait? No. Down I go. Up. Up again to the attic bedroom.

Pause, play, pause, play. Let dogs out. Let cats in. Let dogs in. Let cats out for the night. Put dogs in kennel. Up the stairs to tell ¼ Pint ONE more time to settle down.

It is 10:30. An hour PAST my bedtime.

Calamity does not have ¼ Pint on a schedule. There are many nights Calamity texts me at 9 pm to ask what she should make for dinner. DINNER. Really? My kids are already in bed asleep, and you haven't even FED a 4 year old dinner? Really?

At slightly before midnite, they are all finally asleep. During all this I get seventeen texts, a visit from youngest daughter and her friend, son comes in and out four times setting all the dogs to barking..and a friend from Iowa calls and we actually try to have a conversation about the latest book he is writing. I am supposed to proof-read and edit the book right before Christmas for him. I am very excited to be able to do this. Firstly, he is a really good writer, and secondly, I can't wait to have first read!!

At midnite, I get to bed. I set alarm for 6 a.m.

Alarm goes off. Apparently, my subconscious decides I need sleep more than I need to get up and get three girls ready for church. I turn off the alarm in my sleep.

I awake at 8:35. No church today. It is an hours drive. We have to be there by 9.

Welcome to Sunday.