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Sunday, August 15, 2010

What it's like

Even after recovery, whatever form recovery takes for your addict, your life will be different.

Your child will be different from the one you raised.

you will be different.

My daughter has been on methadone for 4 1/2 years now. Does she use on top of it? Probably.

She doesn't think very well. She gets on my nerves pretty bad. Methadone affects your hearing, and so she is very loud!

She still blames everyone else but herself for her addiction. We just let it go.

She doesn't remember most of what she did.

she lies to herself about what the past was like.

WE all, including the kids, just kind of roll our eyes at things she says when she is over. Highly inappropriate things, stupid things, just plain wrong things.

We look the other way when she nods off and then take her home.

We don't bother getting angry anymore. It's just not worth it.

When she has a crises, we stay out of it.

We don't really share much of what we are doing with her.

Her sisters and brothers don't give her their cell numbers.

We don't celebrate her recovery, it is hers to deal with.

We mostly just tolerate her.

She's not the same kid I raised, she's not the same big sister they grew up loving. She's not the kind, considerate daughter we had.

She's just this sort of relative, that is way weird and only comes over once in awhile.

that's sad, but it's also true. That's what heroin did. That's what she did. And that's the way we reacted.


  1. Great observations.

    DD did methadone for 3 years. Got thrown out of clinic for shop lifting charges. Now she is doing nothing and trying to convince me she is clean. Yeah right!!!!! No doubt in my mind heroin, methadone, bupes, whatever ... drugs are drugs and they take their toll on brain cells. Dead brain cells don't grow back. Wish there was a drug for Stupid.

  2. People on methadone lose their hearing or go def because they are all soooo loud!

    I'm sorry it has come to this, everything you have listed.
    She can't have siblings cell phone #'s? Thats bad!

    Does she use on top of methadone, most likely. Most start using coke or crack and the big thing is pills because they enhance the methadone feeling.

    Next time she nods off drop a book and make her shit her pants. I do it when I see someone nodding, and I see it often.

    How can you celebrate her recovery when it seems she doesn't have it?

    Everyday is a crises for a addict!

    That's all I can think of off the top of my ya
    stay up

  3. OH !!! ROFLMAO. I love the one about dropping a book.....keeping that one in mind.

    Yes, I think she uses on top. Oxy's most likely. I don't see any trax, so I'm sure she is snorting. She has frequent sinus infections. And last I checked Coke, crack and such don't make you nod? I could be wrong.

    And I don't celebrate her recovery, to me, methadone isn't recovery.

    miss ya. Glad you and your wifey and pups are all fine, and glad the rentals finally settled down!!

  4. I get it...but it makes me so sad. Are you sad about it or do you just kind of get numb eventually? Numb could work for me...I'm just saying.

  5. Yep. He is no longer my son. He is just another addict

  6. Numb. Definitely numb. And yes, it works well.

  7. Yeah numb works like a shock absorber for your soul. Also lowering your expectations to zero helps.

  8. Amen Yaya. No expectations whatsoever. Well, except the phone call that she is dead.

  9. I am a former addict and IMHO Methadone is not clean. Plenty of heroin addicts come off heroin without methadone by simply working the 12 steps.